yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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