That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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