I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize