why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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