You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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