i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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