I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
