The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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