i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
