i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize