two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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