I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
