Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
