i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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