go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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