Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
