i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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