Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
