There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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