i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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