We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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