Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize