I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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