he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
