I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
