Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They have beer where we have blood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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