my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize