I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
