You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
