I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
