I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
