girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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