guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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