I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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