and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize