She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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