the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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