If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
