We won't sleep together?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
