i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
