Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
