I must be too annoying 4 u.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
