I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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