i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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