so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
