R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
