Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
