i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
