and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
