white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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