I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
