Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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