Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
