tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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