it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
