Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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