Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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