fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
