I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
