a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize