We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
