She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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