Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
