exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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