At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
