Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
