She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
