oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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