True but thats because hes a fetus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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