come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize