You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
