A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
