They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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