the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
