I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
