what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
